(Thank you to Vaughan James for his photo, Uphill Climb)
It crops up on loads of writing websites and author blogs – the advice that if you want to be a published writer, you must never give up. I used to think it was all very well for people to say that – I mean, most of them just happened to have a book deal, right? It was easy for them to look down with a beatific smile from the heights of publication to patronise the folks treading water in the slush pile. They were right not to give up because they were talented – but if you’re an aspiring writer who has just received her fortieth wonkily photocopied rejection slip, how can you be sure it still applies to you?
I’ve never really liked the term ‘aspiring writer,’ but it makes me even more uncomfortable now I’m supposedly not one any more. It suggests that even if you’ve written ten complete novels but haven’t got any of them published, your efforts aren’t really valid. You’re just some wannabe; some deluded schmuck scribbling in green ink. I’ve sometimes used the term ‘not-yet-published writer’ instead, but that’s far from ideal. It still presents publication as the only legitimate goal. It doesn’t allow for the possibility that writing might be worth doing because you love it. Having said that, it’s infuriating when a published writer says “publication isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, you know! It won’t sort your whole life out, you know!” It reminds me of someone saying after one of my miscarriages “Oh well, if you heard my baby screaming, you’d probably think ‘Thank God!’”
Of course life is going to have its difficulties after you get published, and there are plenty of worries directly resulting from publication, but it is worth striving for and the only way to get it is to persevere. That’s why the more helpful writers keep on telling you not to give up. Not after one rejection.
Not after a friend begs to read your work and then hurries away without eye-contact when you next see her at the school gate.
Not after ten rejections.
Not after you read a heartbreakingly brilliant book by a writer twenty years younger than you.
Not after an agent says he wants to represent you… then asks for £350.
Not after twenty rejections.
Not after someone looks all solemn and informs you “It’s very difficult to get published, you know, dear. I hope you won’t be too disappointed if…”
Not after the other members of your writing group exchange weary glances while you’re reading out your work.
Not after someone on a writers’ forum gets a six-figure deal for a first draft they tapped out in three weeks.
Not after fifty rejections.
Not after you see a broadsheet review for a novel with almost exactly the same themes, setting and plot as you’ve been working on for the last ten years.
Not after your partner leaves you for being a selfish so-and-so who just plays on the computer all day.
Not after a hundred rejections.
Not after you read over the brilliant stuff you wrote last night and die inside at how crap it all looks this morning.
A lot of people say you have to be thick-skinned, but I don’t quite agree. That implies letting everything wash over you – laughing at each rejection letter, chucking it in the recycling bin and cheerfully printing off the next submission as if you haven’t a care in the world. But I don’t think the toughness has to be on the surface, like some kind of forcefield. You can let the disappointment in, let the rejections hurt and the frustration make you want to scream, and let yourself half-believe you’re one of the deluded nutters of slush-pile folklore. You can come close to giving up – very close – but there has to be a limit to how far you let those feelings get.
Your toughness doesn’t have to be a rhino’s hide protecting you from the outside world – that would keep out all the emotions and levels of understanding you need in order to realise your characters’ vulnerabilities. It must be more like a diamond hidden right in the middle of you, small but sparkling, incapable of being smashed by the horrors that made it through your thin skin. It can be tiny, but if it’s made out of the hardest substance in the world – hope – then it’s big enough.